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INSPIRATION: The Bride’s Assistant


OUR SISTER PUBLICATIONS:  Wyoming Lifestyle Magazine Wyovore WYO XY The Wyoming Woman

I have so many brides ask me this question: “Is there one thing I should make sure that I have on our wedding day?” While I can’t easily narrow it down to ONE thing, I can definitely name one thing that I would not have a wedding day without — a bride’s assistant. This is someone that is NOT in the wedding party. I know your knee-jerk reaction is to name your maid/matron of honor to this position, and she does have a position like this to a degree…but I still argue that a separate, independent bride’s assistant that is party-tie free is essential. This is the person who needs to be aware of all the ins and outs of your day — when the flowers, cake, catering, etc. will arrive – when the DJ will set up — where the musicians are supposed to be located in the ceremony space (for when they show up and are unsure)… and so on.

Why should this person NOT be your maid/matron of honor, or one of your parents or your groom’s parents/family members? Because. OK, just kidding — there is a reason, and it’s a doozy. Because they’re going to be busy enjoying your day. Your parents have waited your entire life (+9 mos) for this moment, so please don’t bog them down with worrying about details. They’re going to do that anyway. Let them know that you have someone responsible who is in charge of this, so that they can watch you as you get ready and walk down the aisle and let the tears of happiness flow unabashed. (OK, that was poetic. But you know what I mean.) Same with your groom’s family, and your wedding party — they’ll all want to join in your day without the stress of minute details.

In addition, remember that the rehearsal and wedding days are full of hair appointments, keeping track of tux pieces, saying hello to friends and family and being there to give you a hug in the moment. Having someone who doesn’t have to be sitting in a salon chair while frantically calling the caterer or someone to check on the cake is a HUGE benefit to the stress and flow of your day.

So we’ve defined this person, we’ve argued the reasons why they’re essential — now what should this person do? And how should you go about informing them of all that happens? I was blessed to serve in this role for a dear friend of mine — she’s one of the most organized people I know. We kept in contact every now and then over a series of months beforehand, then the week beforehand she really gave me the whole skinny on the day. Here’s what she gave me:

Ceremony outline

Reception outline

Reception table and decoration schematic

Where items of decorations would be located, who would be bringing them, and who would be setting them up on the wedding day

When the cake, catering, flowers, band, DJ, etc. would arrive, and where they would set up

Whether everyone had been paid, and if not, who would be expecting payment and where to find it (make sure you have those checks prepared and made out for the appropriate amount! Then it’s easy-peasy for your assistant.)

Names of people in wedding party (an added way super organized you’re a rock star bride bonus might be pictures of each member of the wedding party and their name!)

Who has the wedding rings — let your assistant know if this is someone they should regularly check in with, make sure they still have them (you never know who might enjoy the pre-wedding celebrations a little too much…)

The time that you want everyone lined up for the ceremony

When everyone should arrive for the reception; when bar & hors d’oeuvres should begin (keep in mind that everything is approximate, and remind your assistant of that too)

Now — when I filled in this role for my friend, I showed up at the decorating time, expecting I’d be orchestrating everyone. The friends of the mom were expecting they’d be orchestrating everyone — and to keep from causing a ruckus, I backed off a little bit and let them have that show. I figured that was important to them because they were close to her mother. I did make sure that nothing was left undone, but quietly and in an unobtrusive way. Be sure your assistant understands how to work with personalities and not cause tension — sometimes these things just happen. Everyone wants the best for your wedding day and those that they love — so no one does this to be unkind — they just simply all have their own ideas on how these things happen. Just remember that, remind your assistant and tell her/him to be flexible. All will be well in the end!

Can’t I just hire someone? YES! You absolutely can, and that is one of the great things about our awesome wedding planners who serve Wyoming! Many offer a day-of-the-wedding package. OR, you can hire them to help you coordinate AND serve in this role, and you get twice the benefits. Check our vendor page for planners for Wyoming!

Questions? I know we’ve left points unanswered here — so please email ( or post on our Facebook page and we’ll be happy to expand upon this topic!

‘Til Next Time…stay inspired and keep going! It’ll be a beautiful day just for you!

Kati Hime, Editor


OUR SISTER PUBLICATIONS:  Wyoming Lifestyle Magazine Wyovore WYO XY The Wyoming Woman

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